Monday, July 30, 2012

Standing still


“We can make our minds so like still water that beings gather about us, that they may see their own images, and so live for a moment with a clearer, perhaps even with a fiercer life because of our quiet.”  William Butler Yates

I’ve been ordered to be still.  To relax.  To heal. 

Stillness, foreign to me brings on feelings of uncertainty.   Insecurities sting my jittery, twitchy body.  I miss the gentle lullaby of movement, for with it brings clarity, passion, and progress.  In movement, I’m rewarded with my exhaustion.  With movement, I am alive. 

Yates claims “that stillness can make us live for a moment with a clearer, fiercer life because of our quiet.”  
 Forced times of stillness make us more appreciate our ability to move.  We are reminded to be thankful for our strong bodies.  We more appreciate opportunity, and when we are able to move freely again we are blessed with energy and power.    

To everything there is a season.  For a week I will practice stillness to come back fierce. 

Monday, July 2, 2012


Musings from the Locker Room – the PG-13 version.
"To love yourself right now, just as you are, is to give yourself heaven. Don't wait until you die. If you wait, you die now. If you love, you live now." Alan Cohen
I grew up in a strict Christian family in central Florida.  There were no tight jeans, no low cut shirts, no cut offs, no bikini’s- no discussion.  I look at high school pictures and remember that every bit of clothing that I owned was baggy “in case it might shrink.”   If it was thought that you looked “sexy”, you were sent back to change. 

My upbringing has affected me for a long time.  I was the girl who would awkwardly change in the toilet stall, or who stayed wrapped up in a towel while trying to slide my underwear on underneath. I would never wear a sundress or anything that required a strapless bra, and always bought a one piece bathing suit.  I always picked the back corner of the locker room, and I’m quite sure I could set the speed record for dressing.    

After being in locker rooms for several years now, it has occurred to me not everyone was taught that nudity was wrong, or that naked bodies are automatically equated with sex.    Women lounge around sans clothing on chairs and benches, put on makeup in thongs, and dry their hair topless.  Some linger and talk to each other naked, or leave the curtain open while showering.  There is nothing sexual about this….they just really do not care if anyone sees them, or if they are being judged.  Their bodies are big and small. Their boobs are big and small.  Their butts are big and small- and they don’t care. 

I think about how freeing it would be if women could just accept themselves for the beautiful people they are.  What if we were happy with our body for its strengths instead of judging ourselves and finding every flaw?   What if we were comfortable in our own skin?

  I’m getting there.  I don’t think I’ll ever wear the string bikini that my Brazilian house cleaner gave me before a recent vacation; but I will wear the two piece with the sports bra top.

Sigh..... now if I had just had this revelation BEFORE having three kids……..