Sunday, January 11, 2015

This Shit's Getting Real- Why I'm Taking a Week off from Facebook.

"We need to see our situation for what it is.  We're not really crazy or stupid.  
We just don't see- that is, we don't pay attention to what we see." 
Steve Hagen 

Hi, my name is Jennifer, and I am what my friend would call "a Facebook whore".
When I pick up my phone, my thumb automatically hits the blue app with the lowercase "f" on it.  I have 8 notifications that are calling my name.  Yay!  Someone has acknowledged me!  Someone "likes" what I said, or what I look like, or what I've done.  Yay me!  So of course now I have to scroll through and read everyone's posts. Damn, I've lost another 30 minutes of my life looking into everyone else's, and the reality is that for every motivational and encouraging post I see, I also view one that fills me with automatic anxiety.

I've spent some time this week really looking inward; and through reading, listening and real down- home discussion I've found that right now, being in this moment as it presents its self is exactly where I need to be.

And, as hard as this is going to be for me, I think that means taking a break from Facebook.
(There. I said it out loud.)

Because I don't need to compare my life to yours-  hope is not a coping strategy.
I don't need to be distracted from the things that are really important and happening to me right now.
I don't need to look to you for approval or happiness.
I don't need to know where you are going, or where you have been, or who you are talking to.

What I do need is real conversation- look me in the eyes or let me hear your sweet voice.
I need focus and concentration on the present situation as it unfolds, especially with my new job.
I need to take care of my clients.
I need to be ok with who I am, where I am and who I spend my time with.
I need to train hard so I can accomplish the goals I have set for myself.
I need to be present for those I am blessed to be around in this moment.

Facebook has many positives. I have met so many fun and inspirational people-some of my best friends and workout partners. I've been able to re-connect with friends from my past.   I've been invited to cool events and celebrations.  I have used it as a forum to try to motivate and help others, and have learned from those more experienced then me.
I am not anti-Facebook and I'm sure I'll be back; but starting Monday I'm going to see what it is like to take one week away from my preoccupation with Facebook.
It's going to be hard!  But instead of picking up my phone in the morning, I choose to spend that time reading or meditating.   I will only post if I have something to promote my business or something to celebrate others success.  My mind is telling me that this is bullshit, but my heart is telling me that this is one small step forward towards really SEEING.  One step I can take in order to be present in the goodness of what IS!

Good luck to you on your upcoming races.  Find a new business contact.   Be well in your journey.  Stop comparing yourself to others.  Be grateful.   Love each other.  Celebrate life.
Meanwhile, if you would like to talk to me- message me or text, or hey- pick up the phone and call.  Would love to hear the timbre of your voice or see your shining eyes.
Have an amazing week.  I'll let you know how it goes next week,  on Facebook of course ;)

Thursday, January 8, 2015

"Oh but my darling, what if you fly?"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?” 
― Erin Hanson

It's 4:30 am. I'm wading my feet in the water at the edge of the pool, glazed eyes staring at the glassy water.
My legs are heavy from yesterday's workout and I shiver at the thought of getting in the stinging water, so I sit.

It's 4:40 am.  I should get going.  I lower myself warily into the water.  It's not so bad, so I take a deep breath and dive in.  My breathing soon becomes rhythmic and predictable- strong even, and I am swimming.

Making that first move is always the hardest, and recently I have found myself just sitting there on the edge of unpredictability.  This swim, run, new job, relationship, (insert any part of your human being here) could after all be a complete failure.  I'll be working on commission, what if I'm not as good as I think I am?  It requires a move. What if I'm making a mistake?  What if I find myself alone again?

Paul Boynton, author of Begin With Yes, posted on Facebook this morning that "taking an action, no matter how small, sets things in motion.  Motion, no matter how small, means you are engaged with your life and making things happen.  Don't wait.  You will never have all the answers because each answer creates a new question.  There is a sweet rhythm here when you remember that one question, one answer, that is how life unfolds."

So, even though the water is cold, I choose to dive in with gratitude for new opportunity.  I choose to set things in motion. Another leap of faith that by engaging in life, I will be swimming steadily soon enough.