Saturday, November 30, 2013

The story behind the pictures

"If you love somebody- set them free."

5 weeks ago I sat in the church parking lot blubbering....pounding the steering wheel and screaming "I can't do this anymore!  Universe- something has to change!" 
I'd faced another week of struggle.  My bruised heart had taken another hit.  The shackles were on and it seemed there was no escape.

I sobbed until I was snotty nosed and red eyed all the way home, and then did the only thing that felt right at the time.  I got on my bike and rode.  Rode until my lungs burned and my legs ached. Rode until my brain decided to turn itself off.  Rode until that heart muscle began repairing itself.

And upon my return, bone-weary and limp.....I  let go of any expectations I had of others, and instead chose for the first time to love and trust me.  I realized that to find myself again, and to live my passion, I would have to stop depending on people to define my worth.

Ironically, when I realized that I was ok being alone, I miraculously became ok with whatever love others wanted to give to me as well. 
And the caterpillar begins to emerge........

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Be The Powerhouse

"I am invincible- as long as I'm alive."
John Mayer

In the Book of Awakening Mark Nepo tells a story of a woman interviewing for a job, explaining her desperate need for the acceptance of the interviewer.  "She found herself yelping 'Pick me, pick me!' like a puppy in a pound." he claims.

Wow- that I can relate to.  I've lost myself to religion, men, bosses, friends, name it and I've been insecure about it at one time or another.  Yes, I have sinned.  Yes, I have wanted you to want me.  Yes, I have worked 14 hour days for you.  Yes, I have taken care of you.  Yes, I believed your stories.  But finally I understand that it is  MY responsibility to put myself in situations of empowerment.  It's my job to love me.  I'm the true ruler of my destiny.  Period.
Ironically, I've found that my true being shines when I've chosen to push way outside of my comfort zone.

That time when I ran farther than my mind could even fathom.  
That time when I spoke in front of hundreds of people. 
That time that I crossed the Grand Canyon and back.
That time when I said a forever goodbye.
That time when I took my first swim lesson. 
That time when I spent crazy money on a bike.
That time when I walked away.
That time that I was fearless in front of the camera.
That time when I told him that I was in love.

Who made those choices?  Me.  Who did the work?  Me.   
But in my journey to find my power, I find myself yearning to give others the strength and encouragement to be fearless and strong.
Mary Kay Ash stated,  "Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says make me feel important."
What an amazing challenge for us!  When we are lucky enough to find someone who realizes our true potential- someone who values us for the quirky, beautiful mess that we are; it is a blessing which falls like warm rain on the course back to happiness.

How will you find your courage?  How will you find your strong? 
Be the powerhouse.  Be the sunshine.  For it is then that your warmth energizes the world.