Saturday, December 27, 2014

The 43 year Old Temper Tantrum

"You can't always get what you want.  But if you try sometimes, you just might find 
you get what you need."
The Rolling Stones

Imagine a three year old on the floor of a retail store; red faced, kicking and screaming because she did not get her way.  Now imagine it's a 43 year old woman,  worried because she did not get her full pay check, scared of an upcoming move, and feeling unappreciated.
That spoiled brat has been me.
I've been so unhappy over the past few weeks, feeling that I wasn't getting what I deserved- that life wasn't "fair".  But yesterday, the death of a good friend's daughter put everything back into perspective for me.
Life doesn't owe me anything.

We work hard to get that payback, but it doesn't come.
We train for a starting line, but then get injured.
We imagine our kids will grow up to be a certain way, but the path they choose is their own.
We beg to be noticed, but are ignored.
We yearn for tenderness, but they roll over.
We crave adventure, but spend each day stuck in traffic.
We think someone is always going to be in our life, but then they're gone.

Truth telling-  it always turns out to be okay.
Because someone sent a gift card.
There is always another race.
Our loved ones have amazing souls.
I am surrounded by friends.
He really is just tired.
The cabin is booked.
We are never alone.

Life is bigger than me.
The ultimate gift and blessing.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Year of Gratitude

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.” 
― A.A. MilneWinnie-the-Pooh

Last year on the first of January, I found myself in church.  I'll admit that I'm not there much these days unless I am with my kids, but the pastor introduced a book called "A Simple Act of Gratitude- How Learning to Say Thank You Changed My Life" by John Kralik.
Inspired by a note his ex-girlfriend sent to thank him for a gift, John imagined that he might find a way to feel grateful for what he had by writing thank you notes.  To keep himself going, he set a goal of writing 365 notes in the coming year.  Thank you note by thank you note, his whole life turned around.

I read the book, and for a while I wrote the thank you my boyfriend for time spent together, to other teachers at my school for their help and guidance, even to the custodian at my school for putting up with my "less than organized" classroom.  But I found that even more invaluable were the  #yearofgratitude posts that I placed on Facebook acknowledging the amazing people and circumstances that the universe sent my way.  I have less money than I have ever had in my life, but the experiences I have had over the past year have blessed me ten fold.

For example:
I saw my first Joshua tree.  
My best friend texted me back when I was having a crisis, even though it was 3:30 am.
A Life Coach inspired me to take risks, and find what it is that I truly love to do.
I took the classes to keep my personal training certification, and landed a new job.
I wrote a business plan, and it was accepted.
Someone believed in me.
I completed the Western States 100 miler with the help of amazing pacers and the encouragement of others.
I've watched my kids grow into amazing people that I am so proud of.
My first coaching paycheck paid for my Ironman Texas entry.
I was given a second chance to love and be loved.
I am no longer stressed.
I work with people who inspire me to be better everyday.
The bills are always paid.
Friends check in on me, to make sure I'm ok.
I have a new coach that challenges me.
And I continue to grow through every experience that the universe sends my way.

As I look back on the past year, I am so grateful for every person, lesson and event that has allowed me to evolve.  May I continue to have faith and trust that I am cradled in love by God and the universe, and may I live each and every day as if there were no tomorrow.

Thursday, December 11, 2014

.....but the greatest of these is love

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Dear One: 

I've come to learn that the greatest gift we can give each other, is to love one another.   I have no money this year to buy you expensive gifts to show you my love for you; so I decided to send you some promises instead. 

I promise to be present for you, even when I'm not in your presence.  
You'll always get a "good morning text, and a "good night" call.

I promise not to try to change you.
Even though I'm like a puppy dog in the morning, I'll remember that you wake up slowly.

I promise not to possess you, but give you time and space to grow.  You're my superman, I know you don't need saving.  

When you are at your worst, I will be at my best.  And when I'm at my worst, I'll try not to take it out on you.  

I promise to keep looking forward, and to be grateful for the lessons we've learned.  

I promise to remember your love language, and to speak it more often.  

And in this new year, full of hope and excitement, I promise adventure, full tummies and an abundance of love.  

Merry Christmas baby........

Monday, December 8, 2014

Take my breath away

" Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say-
Take my breath away."

I've been pining for an experience that leaves me breathless.  
Well, be careful what you wish for, 'cause you just might get it. 
Over the past several months, I've had several episodes of wheezing and choking when I pick up the pace and intensity of my running.  It feels as if I'm suffocating; and until I slow to a walk, I cannot catch my breath. After visiting the doctor today I found it could be one of two things.  
1.  Exercise induced asthma or 
2.  Laryngospasms

Because the symptoms seem to happen while breathing in, not out...she believes it to be the later.  
According to WebMD  "When this happens, the vocal cords suddenly seize up or close when taking in a breath, blocking the flow of air into the lungs. Laryngospasm may be associated with different triggers, such as asthma, allergies, exercise, irritants (smoke, dust, fumes), stress, anxiety or commonly gastroesophageal reflux disease"

I now have an inhaler, which will help to relax the muscles in the airway, but what is even more curious to me why my beloved running has started suffocating me.
Did I abuse you?
Was I too selfish?  
Do I ask for too much? 
Was it my attraction to swimming and biking? 
Or maybe because I lied to you when I said I'd never doing another ultra again?

Running, you were my first real love.  Please take me back.

Friday, December 5, 2014

You are deserving of......

You are deserving of ......

A wild adventure.
Love and laughter .
Rest and solitude.
Safety and ease.

Relax and enjoy it my friend.