Thursday, December 11, 2014

.....but the greatest of these is love

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Dear One: 

I've come to learn that the greatest gift we can give each other, is to love one another.   I have no money this year to buy you expensive gifts to show you my love for you; so I decided to send you some promises instead. 

I promise to be present for you, even when I'm not in your presence.  
You'll always get a "good morning text, and a "good night" call.

I promise not to try to change you.
Even though I'm like a puppy dog in the morning, I'll remember that you wake up slowly.

I promise not to possess you, but give you time and space to grow.  You're my superman, I know you don't need saving.  

When you are at your worst, I will be at my best.  And when I'm at my worst, I'll try not to take it out on you.  

I promise to keep looking forward, and to be grateful for the lessons we've learned.  

I promise to remember your love language, and to speak it more often.  

And in this new year, full of hope and excitement, I promise adventure, full tummies and an abundance of love.  

Merry Christmas baby........

Monday, December 8, 2014

Take my breath away

" Watching in slow motion as you turn around and say-
Take my breath away."

I've been pining for an experience that leaves me breathless.  
Well, be careful what you wish for, 'cause you just might get it. 
Over the past several months, I've had several episodes of wheezing and choking when I pick up the pace and intensity of my running.  It feels as if I'm suffocating; and until I slow to a walk, I cannot catch my breath. After visiting the doctor today I found it could be one of two things.  
1.  Exercise induced asthma or 
2.  Laryngospasms

Because the symptoms seem to happen while breathing in, not out...she believes it to be the later.  
According to WebMD  "When this happens, the vocal cords suddenly seize up or close when taking in a breath, blocking the flow of air into the lungs. Laryngospasm may be associated with different triggers, such as asthma, allergies, exercise, irritants (smoke, dust, fumes), stress, anxiety or commonly gastroesophageal reflux disease"

I now have an inhaler, which will help to relax the muscles in the airway, but what is even more curious to me why my beloved running has started suffocating me.
Did I abuse you?
Was I too selfish?  
Do I ask for too much? 
Was it my attraction to swimming and biking? 
Or maybe because I lied to you when I said I'd never doing another ultra again?

Running, you were my first real love.  Please take me back.

Friday, December 5, 2014

You are deserving of......

You are deserving of ......

A wild adventure.
Love and laughter .
Rest and solitude.
Safety and ease.

Relax and enjoy it my friend.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Voice

"There is a voice that doesn't use words.  Listen."    
- Rumi

My solar plexus is nagging me again.
"How many times do I have to tell you Jennifer....." 
It's a dull ache of blocked energy right at my rib cage that zaps my confidence and feelings of control.  It's pleading for me to take another big step.  

According to Hindu texts, the Solar Plexus is the seat of your third Chakra. This Chakra is situated just below the sternum (where your ribs attach in the front).  You can imagine it to be a beacon of light, which radiates from the center of your body.  Its energy jet propels you to move forward, toward fulfilling your dreams and goals.

I've heard it's voice so many times before; in relationships, at job interviews, even during races.  
"Danger Will Robinson"- the warning sound blares. 
Sometimes I choose to ignore it- but the whispers never silence.   I find that when I do choose to listen, it beacons the way. This time, it's begging me to have the confidence to allow my business to grow through Personal Training. Making a difference. Fulfilling MY dreams and goals.
The fervent voice is always stronger than any fear.   

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Chill the f*@K out! (warning: contains appropriate language)

"The moment I let go of it was the moment
I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it
Was the moment I touched down"
Alanis Morissette

Everyone needs that friend.
You know, the one who will listen patiently while you spew words like projectile vomit and your head begins to spin like Linda Blair possessed in The Exorcist. 
That same friend who will then calmly tell you to chill the fuck out.

My brain, so jumbled with "what ifs" and "they did" and "I'm so angry" that I can no longer think straight; as I become a Pac Man rushing back and forth to escape the ghosts chasing me.
My heart, exposed and vulnerable.  Skipping beats to save energy.
My body, worn out and stiff.  Do you think its a coincidence that my current injury is a pain in the ass?

"Jennifer, you just need to relax.  I promise you it's all going to be ok."

Sometimes you just need that friend.  The one who will remind you how blessed you really are.
You know who you are my friend.
Thank you.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Why do I keep running away?

Today's Centering Thought:
"My intention holds the key to fulfillment."  

It is day 8 of Oprah and Deepak's 21 Day meditation experience, but for me it's Day 1.  I sign up for every single one of the free 21 day online sessions they offer....but the daily reminders usually sit unopened in my inbox with the excuse of "I don't have time for that."
Today's session caught  my eye though:  "The Royal Road to Manifestation,"
specifically because there are two things that I have been asking for in life now.

The first is abundance.  For the first time in a very long time I actually LOVE where I am and what I am doing, but in it's currant infancy stages, coaching is barely paying the bills.
People tell me all the time, "you're isn't everything."  Well, money pays the rent.  Money feeds my family.  Having enough money takes away some of the anxieties, we all know that.  
All along I have said to myself, "as long as the bills are paid, I'm good."  But you know what?  The truth is that I would love to pay off debt.  I want to build a savings account.  I want a two bedroom apartment and to travel twice a year.
My intention holds the key to fulfillment.  
Even though I scrambled into an awkward and interrupted meditation session today, I was able to somehow feel (hear?)
You deserve all of those things, and the universe will provide them for you.   
Why is it hard for me to accept that I deserve those things?  But in so I set my intention.  I deserve those things and the universe will provide.

The second thing I have been asking for is a renewed connection to spirit.  God, the universe, my source....
For some this comes in the form of worship.  For me it comes in the form of silence.  Deepak says "The silent mind is where all possibilities are centered in seed form."
I know that in stillness and silence I feel the warmth of true love.  It is there that I understand that I am not a body, but a soul.....but getting there takes so much work!
I sit, and I feel instant pain that I have been ignoring in my back and hip.  My mind begins to wrestle with me. I hear the ding of two texts coming in on my phone.  I get a call.  But every time something distracts me I settle back into the sanskrit mantra (even though at the time I don't know what it means).
"Chit Sankalpa"
My unabounded awareness holds my pure intention.  
And as I finally settle in I start to understand.  God has been there all along, but in the business I have created in my life, I have lost awareness.  The awareness that I am love.  I am deserving.  I have and will always have everything I need.  And so I set my intention on remembering that always.

All of that in 7 minutes of stillness.  Why do I keep running away?

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Finding everything in nothing

"Today I don't feel like doing anything...."
Bruno Mars

Today I didn't do anything.
Well, ok...that's not exactly true...but compared to the busyness that usually fills my days, I didn't do much.

Ever since my friend Mike died on November 5 four years ago, this day has brought me unexpected rest and reflection.  Two years ago I spent the day with an IV in my arm at the hospital.  Luckily this year only brought me a rainy day and a strained hamstring.

Today I had a massage, took a nap, and read a book.  I meditated, fantasized about traveling to Bryce Canyon and watched tv with my kids.  I made a quiche and had a glass of chardonnay.  That's it.  Time for bed.

No shoe fittings.
No two-a-day workouts.
No phone calls to new clients.

Feelings of guilt tried to creep in- but my soul immediately shushed them as it crawled back into my being.
One day a year.
Thanks Mike....miss ya bud.