Friday, September 15, 2017

Sure - You Own the Sexy Undies, but You Really Prefer the Comfy Ones

"This morning when I put on my underwear- I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me."
Rodney Dangerfield

It's Monday, my day off.  I'm showered and digging through my underwear drawer....past the lace, past the satin, past the skimpy....because today's agenda calls for a trip to the dentist, grocery shopping and carpool hell.  Today is a solid, cotton underwear kind of day.

Now don't get me wrong, I have my g- string moments!  The hair, the make-up, a little dinner- a little dancing........but the reality is that most days are just not sexy lingerie days.  Most days we want comfort.  We don't want anything riding our ass or up in our business.  We want support.  Lycra that holds us, a dependable fabric that we can trust.  No scratchy irritations or constricting discomfort.

And while that bustier may catch his eye- don't we really want someone who thinks we're just as beautiful in his t-shirt and our Calvins?
Heck- they're just coming off anyway......





Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Life is not a "To Do" List

"We are always getting ready to live, but never living."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

3:45- wake up 
5:00- teach TEAM 
6:00- small group 
7-9- take kids to school 
9:00- 3:00- clients, phone calls, meetings, work etc......
3:00- some form of exercise
5:15- take dogs to vet 
7:00- dinner for family 
8:00- so done.  Should meditate - but I'm too tired.  Ready for bed. 

Some people call them "to do" lists.  Some people call it "living by your calendar."
I'm starting to think its more like being in the prison of hell on earth.  
Sadly,  some days I wake up and the first thought I have is "how am I going to make it through this incredibly busy day?"  Every morning, the race against the clock begins- and I'm off........

I want so much more than just making it through the day.  I want to be present.  I want to be creative; to evolve and to flow.  I want to laugh and have intelligent conversation with my clients and my family.  I want to smile lines on my cheeks instead of worry lines on my forehead. I want to gift my time peacefully, not frenetically.....because you my friends deserve more.  And so do I.

In her article Why we Rush Through Life, Surah suggests that we busy ourselves out of habit, self importance, laziness, competition and control, false perceptions, pressure and avoidance.
Of course! We worry about others perceptions of us. We don't want to deal with our true feelings.  We want to be numero uno. We like the adrenaline rush. We want it all.

I'm the first one to admit that I feel extremely guilty if I don't have a full day planned, and that I'll even create a schedule that includes cleaning the closet just to feel better about myself.
Its ingrained in us that "busy" means "productive" which means "happy."  And by God I love the dopamine release when I cross things off of a list!

But its time to get out of survival mode.  What if we were to make space for creativity, conversation and fun without feeling guilty?  What if our focus shifted from "getting things done" to being present?  Just the consideration of it all rocks my world.  And so I strive....
But first- let me add that to my schedule ;)






Friday, September 1, 2017

10 ways to Chill the F*ck Out

"It's not stress that kills us.
It's our reaction to it."  
Unknown

Some days, I completely overreact, and Thursday was one of those stressful days.
Perhaps it was for you too? The "gas panic" in Dallas was out of control, causing heavy traffic anywhere near a gas station.  Abundant fear caused abundant stress, and I lost 2 clients.  This, on top of the guilt most of us have been facing being so close yet, unaffected by Harvey (except for wonderfully cool temps)has made it a bit of a challenging week.  Personally- I've been in a complete funk.

In her article " 20 ways to Relax and Unwind," Magarita Tartakovsy explains that "Sometimes when we're exhausted, we gravitate toward activities that drain us more, or we think that we don't deserve a break."  My hand is raised.  Anyone else?
If we just worked harder, of course we would be more successful and feel better!  Well, I'm here to tell you Dallas, we need to chill the f*ck out, or we're all going to explode, both literally and figuratively.  Yes, literally explode- at least our heart will.

So- I've made a list of things that help me to chill the f*ck out.  Perhaps they'll help you too.
(In case you're  asking for a friend.)

1.  Get outside and play.  Improved overall health, reduced stress and depression, improved sleep, beautiful trails, mating rabbits and dragonflies.  What else can I say?

2.  Phone a friend.  Talking to someone helps you to look at your problems in a different way.  Maybe they're not so bad....or maybe its time to make a change.  Therapists listen to your problems without judging.  Get it the hell out!  I get by with a little help from my friends.  (stole that).

3.  Get a massage.  Physical touch distinguishes us from other animals, and humans need touch to thrive.  Pair that with the medical benefits and you have a win win.  Ask me for a referral.

4.  Have sex.
Speaking of touch.  7 reasons.
Right here:  https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/seven-healthy-reasons-to-have-sex-right-now.aspx
An unnamed ex and I used to call it "time for a tension breaker." For a reason!
Surprise your significant other tonight, in the name of science.

5.  Stay present.  Do one thing at a time.  It's probably not as bad as you think.

6.  Be grateful!  Keep a gratitude journal.  What things are awesome right now?  Do I really need to worry so much?  Practice mindfulness.  Tell someone how much you appreciate them.

7.  Meditate.  I KNOW you say that you can't sit still, but you can.  Really.  Concentrate on your breath and watch the shit that is piling up in your mind be shoveled away.

8.  Listen to music.  Music can bring us in, or be a distraction.  As a unique link to our emotions, it can be an extremely effective stress management tool.

9.  Get in the water.  Let it caress and hold you.  How is the temperature?  Unwind.  Breathe.

10.  Eat amazing food.  Drink amazing wine.  Hang out with amazing people.  
This is purely my philosophy, because life is short.  It has to be the good stuff, and the good people though.  People that lift you up and make you smile. Food so good you close your eyes to savor it. Wine- because wine.   Get rid of the shit food, and the shit drink and the shit people.
All toxic.  Period.

So- can I get an AMEN?  Can we agree that its time to chill the f*ck out?
To live our most abundant and authentic life?
Happy to hear what works for you too.  Cheers!



Sunday, August 27, 2017

Meditate to remember

"You don't have a soul.  You are a soul.
You have a body."
C.S Lewis 


For about two years my friend Aaron Conner has been encouraging me to get back to my meditation practice, patiently waiting for me to find that space again.  Last Sunday, I finally made the drive to Body Synergie in Rockwall for the 2:00 pm True Awareness Sangha.  Returning to a mindful practice always feels like coming home, and Aaron's warm smile and calm presence filled the dimly lit room with instant sunshine.

In the past, meditation has helped me to look inward to see who I am, but last week Aaron shared that meditation can also show us what (who) we are not.

We are not our bodies, small and vulnerable.  Too fat, too thin, too old, too tired.
We are not our egos, thinking we're more impressive when we put on airs.
We are not our minds, filled with fear and doubt.
We are not carpool lines or trips to the grocery store.
We are not excel spreadsheets or Google, or schedules.
We are not our addictions or illnesses.
We are not our past.
We are not our future.

A Course in Miracles states:  "The journey into darkness has been long and cruel, and you have gone deep into it."  
You are only love and light, perfect in every way.
Perhaps instead of busying ourselves to forget, we could take a few minutes to get still, sit quietly, and meditate to remember.






Thursday, August 17, 2017

A Willingness to See Things Differently

"I see only the perishable.
I see nothing that will last.
What I see is not real.
What I see is a form of vengeance.
Is this the world I really want to see?"
A Course in Miracles

We live in a fearful world. We are afraid of each other and afraid of ourselves.
In our minds eye we see vengeance and anger; scarcity and lack. We don't trust each other.
We've lost faith.
The stories of our past haunt us because we believe these hallucinations to be our truth, but the real truth is that attack thoughts are never real.
You are never upset for the reason you think.  You are upset because you see what is not there.

A Course in Miracles states that "what I see is the projection of my own errors of thought.  How could I understand when I have judged amiss? Our thoughts are not our own thoughts, because we are thinking without God."

Authentically,  God is love.
We are love.
WE ARE GOD.

If you believed that everyone was God- would you have a willingness to see things differently?
God (Love) is that person you so easily judge.
God (Love)  is your family.
God (Love)  is your co-workers.
God (Love) is that homeless man on the corner.
God  (Love) is your spouse.
YOU ARE GOD (Love).

"Loveliness can light your images, and so transform them that you will love them, even though they are made of hate."  A Course In Miracles
You are not trapped in your images, at any moment you can change what you believe.
You can be fearless instead of fearful.  Grateful instead of mindless.
Open instead of closed. Trusting instead of suspicious.
Confident.
Kind.
Loving.

My goal is to see differently.  
Could I could see peace in this situation instead of what I now see in it?
Can I recognize attack thoughts?
Am I willing to let go of judgement?
Can I see that you are perfect? And that I am as well?

If so, there is no war between ourselves or others.  There is only love.
Everyday- I choose to ask the questions.... to see differently.
Love is the only way.  I choose to see love.













Sunday, August 13, 2017

The more I pay attention, the more I see

"Only LOVE is real." 
A Course in Miracles 

The more I pay attention, the more I see that its not about me at all.


It's not about accomplishments; for we all are quite spectacular.

It's not about pain, endurance or suffering; because it's not about struggle.

It's not about money or possessions; each insignificant.

It's not about the body; for life is in our spirit.

It's not about me; its about us.

It's about a shift in perception. A return to love.


Thursday, July 13, 2017

Let Someone Love You



Ever since my divorce I have been punishing myself in an ego driven roller coaster ride.    To someone looking in from the outside it may have seemed like I was riding high; running 100 mile races, completing an Ironman, success at work....but the mask I wore concealed painful lows.
Lows that I thought I deserved.

In her book A Return to Love, Marianne Williams tells us that "If I am convinced that I'm not good enough, I will have a difficult time accepting someone into my life who thinks I am.  The only way that I can accept someone's finding me wonderful, is that if I find myself wonderful.  But to the ego- self acceptance is death."

In my first relationship after my divorce, I clung to hold on. My belief was that surely I could make it work, that I wouldn't fuck things up in a relationship again....but my co-dependent desperation was like Febreeze covering up a pile of shit.  I finally realized that even though it would dry up and smell less- it still wasn't going anywhere because subconsciously I was unlovable.   I tried really hard to run away from my thoughts, my self, my ego..... but dammit- my  soul wasn't going anywhere, and I was damaging my body in the process.
I knew things needed to change, so I asked God to "put good people in my life."

He sent me Greg- so patient, kind and loving; and over the past year I have allowed that love to slowly seep back into my heart.
It isn't always easy, because I'm stubborn as hell (what?), but by allowing him to love me, to take care of me, I have been reminded of the love I have for myself and others.
I no longer live in fear.  Things are becoming less about me, and more about us.  Because I work closer to home and am traveling less, I get to see my kids more often and have a better connection with friends.  I'm finding balance, doing fun things, and attracting abundance and joy!

"All of your past except it's beauty is gone, and nothing is left but a blessing. A miracle is a shift in thinking from what we might have done in the past or should be doing in the future, to what we feel free to do right here."- A Return to Love

Thank you God for sending me the reminder that our eternal essence is love.  The ability to finally forgive myself is indeed a miracle.