Sunday, January 20, 2013

Running through my divorce

"Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you.....
Life has a funny, funny way- of helping you out."
Alanis Morrissette


Late August- It's stupid hot.
My foot has healed, but my heart is heavy.  Marriage counseling is going nowhere and even though it is my decision, the reality of seperation stifles me like a think blanket .  I need to move- to escape, and although I have not been able to run in almost 3 months I decided to train for the Cactus Rose 100.  I know that completing this race will help me to overcome my fear of being on my own for the first time....well- ever.  I train almost every day and sweat like a banshee. It keeps me sane.

October 31st- 2:00 a.m.
Tears stream down my face as I follow my pacer up Ice Cream Hill in Bandera, Texas.  I'm broken.  Sleepwalking maybe?  Hungry, cold and wasted.  There  is nothing else to do but to keep moving forward.  I finish the race in 31 hours, and head home to sign divorce papers the next week.
It's funny how a strenuous race can make everything else in life seem so much easier.....

Late December- 4:00 a.m.
I'm up training before I head to my new teaching job.  It's fun and rewarding- but also challenging and exhausting.  I've been sick ever since the second week of school, first with bronchitis and then the flu. Christmas is daunting, so as soon as I'm well I crank up the miles again.  Bandera 100K is just a few weeks away. If I can complete this race and Rocky 100, I will earn the honor of completing the "Tejas 300".  A hefty goal that helps me to focus, and for the time I'm training- I can forget.

January 12- Grouchy:30
More papers signed and we are getting close to the divorce being final.  I almost quit Bandera at the half way point today.  I've just had enough- the mud, the rocks, the heat and humidity, not to mention the settling and figuring and worrying. But I am blessed with good friends who have been with me every step of the way and they don't let me drop.  And, as they say in ultrarunning- it doesn't always get worse. The second loop goes surprisingly well. 

January 20th. 
Bright blue skies and beautiful weather.  Run with friends and breakfast complete, I start moving my stuff out of the house. The kids are getting used to the fact that mom will now be living in an apartment across the street, and in two weeks I will complete the trifecta by running the Rocky Raccoon 100 in Huntsville.  Today I can take a deep breath and smile, because life continues on in relentless forward motion- as do I.   And who knows?  Maybe the second loop will go surprisingly well.....


9 comments:

  1. I know you will continue to draw strength from your running to help you in your life transition, and vice versa.

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  2. As someone who had gone through same, and more, running was one constant, one counseling, one therapy, and remains such, to keep me sane and strong and clear. I am sorry about things happening (5 years January 16th was my divorce, same day as it was then 3 years of me nephew's passing). It'll get somewhere. Better? To a different degree. Hang on.

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  3. Judging from your smile in the finisher's tent after Bandera I'd say you are on the right track! :) Steven Moore, ATX.

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  4. Every day is not a bright sunshine day, but you keep moving and you show the clouds of life who is boss.

    -Liesl

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  5. The darkest hour is the one before the dawn. Run strong and free!

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  6. “Today I can take a deep breath and smile, because life continues on in relentless forward motion- as do I.” -- Keep moving forward, that’s how we should live our life! It’s not important how many times we fall nor how many wounds we have. What matters in the long run is how we stand up and use the experience to help us become better individuals. Face each day with a smile, and be happy because you have your kids.

    -Janay Stiles

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  7. It seems to me that running has become your lightning rod for all your emotions caused by the divorce. I believe this is a healthy way to deal with it because it relieves you from stress. I know it's tough, but look at it this way: your divorce is just like a mile-long running course where there could be obstacles, where you find others running alongside you till you reach the finish line. The finish line is your freedom from all the hurt and sorrow caused by the divorce. Keep heading for the finish line and live life happily!

    Jermaine Gardner

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  8. Divorce is a very tough time in anyone’s life, and I’m amazed on how you keep it balanced. I guess running keeps you busy and can make you forget your problem somehow. How was it, anyway? I hope you get your children’s custody.

    Lynette @ AppellateLawOffice.com

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