Let's call it for what it was....an exercise addiction
" You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold em
Know when to walk away...and know when to run."
-Kenny Rodgers
Something happened to me last week that I just can't seem to shake. I've sat on it a few days-analyzing (and over analyzing) the situation; until it finally occurred to me why I have had such a hard time being around the running community lately. Hear me out......
Friend I haven't seen in a while: "Hey! It's been a long time! How are you? Are you running much these days?"
Me: "Well, some. But not as much as I used to."
Friend: "How many miles a week are you running?
Me: "Oh- around 20."
Friend: laughs out loud. Literally.
Now I'm not sure why that was so funny, but I am sure that it made me feel like shit because it has taken me 3 years to come to terms with my exercise addiction. I don't run as much as I used to because it is not physically or mentally healthy for me anymore. That does not make me lazy, or unmotivated or a lesser person or runner....it's just right for me, right now.
There was a time when running may have saved my life, but I got lost in my ego and the accolades I received. My whole worth was based on how long, how far and how fast I could go, and in the process I left behind people I loved.
I will never forget the first Sunday morning that I skipped my long run to sit on the porch with a steaming cup of coffee (and a smokin' hot guy) to read the paper. It felt so right....but a fog of guilt hovered above me all day. Sometimes I still feel that crazy guilt....like its not enough to just do one exercise activity a day (Thanks Ironman). But I'm working on it- so please don't laugh at me.
I have the utmost respect for endurance athletes. I am one. I made a lot of friends, climbed a lot of mountains, ate a lot of gels, and slayed a few dragons along the way. I am so proud of the hard work that I put in during those years. But I also am so embarrassed at the hours (days) I spent training.
I still love to get outside and play. Running makes me happy. I kick ass every once in a while, and have fun doing it. I've created balance in my life.
That is enough.
I am enough.
Know when to walk away...and know when to run."
-Kenny Rodgers
Something happened to me last week that I just can't seem to shake. I've sat on it a few days-analyzing (and over analyzing) the situation; until it finally occurred to me why I have had such a hard time being around the running community lately. Hear me out......
Friend I haven't seen in a while: "Hey! It's been a long time! How are you? Are you running much these days?"
Me: "Well, some. But not as much as I used to."
Friend: "How many miles a week are you running?
Me: "Oh- around 20."
Friend: laughs out loud. Literally.
Now I'm not sure why that was so funny, but I am sure that it made me feel like shit because it has taken me 3 years to come to terms with my exercise addiction. I don't run as much as I used to because it is not physically or mentally healthy for me anymore. That does not make me lazy, or unmotivated or a lesser person or runner....it's just right for me, right now.
There was a time when running may have saved my life, but I got lost in my ego and the accolades I received. My whole worth was based on how long, how far and how fast I could go, and in the process I left behind people I loved.
I will never forget the first Sunday morning that I skipped my long run to sit on the porch with a steaming cup of coffee (and a smokin' hot guy) to read the paper. It felt so right....but a fog of guilt hovered above me all day. Sometimes I still feel that crazy guilt....like its not enough to just do one exercise activity a day (Thanks Ironman). But I'm working on it- so please don't laugh at me.
I have the utmost respect for endurance athletes. I am one. I made a lot of friends, climbed a lot of mountains, ate a lot of gels, and slayed a few dragons along the way. I am so proud of the hard work that I put in during those years. But I also am so embarrassed at the hours (days) I spent training.
I still love to get outside and play. Running makes me happy. I kick ass every once in a while, and have fun doing it. I've created balance in my life.
That is enough.
I am enough.
Amen! Good for you finding that balance and realizing that endurance sports is something that you do, not the totality of who you are.
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