Let's call it for what it was....an exercise addiction

" You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold em 
Know when to walk away...and know when to run."
-Kenny Rodgers 

Something happened to me last week that I just can't seem to shake.  I've sat on it a few days-analyzing (and over analyzing) the situation;  until it finally occurred to  me why I have had such a hard time being around the running community lately.  Hear me out......

Friend I haven't seen in a while:  "Hey!  It's been a long time! How are you?  Are you running much these days?"
Me:  "Well, some.  But not as much as I used to."
Friend:  "How many miles a week are you running?
Me:  "Oh- around 20."
Friend:  laughs out loud.  Literally.  

Now I'm not sure why that was so funny, but I am sure that it made me feel like shit because it has taken me 3 years to come to terms with my exercise addiction.  I don't run as much as I used to because it is not physically or mentally healthy for me anymore.  That does not make me lazy, or unmotivated or a lesser person or runner....it's just right for me, right now.
There was a time when running may have saved my life, but I got lost in my ego and the accolades I received.  My whole worth was based on how long, how far and how fast I could go, and in the process I left behind people I loved.

I will never forget the first Sunday morning that I skipped my long run to sit on the porch with a steaming cup of coffee (and a smokin' hot guy) to read the paper.  It felt so right....but a fog of guilt hovered above me all day.  Sometimes I still feel that crazy guilt....like its not enough to just do one exercise activity a day (Thanks Ironman).  But I'm working on it- so please don't laugh at me.

I have the utmost respect for endurance athletes.  I am one.  I made a lot of friends, climbed a lot of mountains, ate a lot of gels, and slayed a few dragons along the way.  I am so proud of the hard work that I put in during those years.  But I also am so embarrassed at the hours (days) I spent training.

I still love to get outside and play.  Running makes me happy.  I kick ass every once in a while, and have fun doing it.  I've created balance in my life.

That is enough. 
I am enough.












Comments

  1. Amen! Good for you finding that balance and realizing that endurance sports is something that you do, not the totality of who you are.

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