Friday, July 25, 2014

Everything is possible for those who believe

"'If you can'?" said Jesus. 
"Everything is possible for one who believes."
Mark 9:23

I know running. 
Ask me about  VO2 Max, lactate threshold, mid-foot strike and the latest Garmin.  Verbiage like tempo runs, EVA, refueling, and foam rolling have become an essential part of my every day vocabulary.   I can even tell you which shorts will make your ass look fast. 

But more than that runners...I know what makes you tick.   
Be it adrenaline pulsing through your veins or zen-like peace 
Belonging as part of the group, or thriving in solidarity 
Finding yourself or losing your mind
Being more.  Needing less.
Pushing the limits or surrendering in ease
Winning the race or coming in Dead Fucking Last.......
I've been there.  I know why you run. 

So when I made the choice to become a running coach, I had ultimate faith that I was doing what I was gifted to do.  What I was SUPPOSED to be doing.  Within 3 weeks clients started coming and I was easily meeting store goals. The work was both effortless and purposeful.  I loved listening to each persons story, and became refueled by the positive energy of my team.  For the first time in a LONG time I did not dread going to work and I actually enjoyed my days.  
And then I got my first paycheck.
And had my second ever panic attack.  
And I was paralyzed by fear. 

I pulled out my "faith rock."  

The "faith rock" was gifted to me by Paula Billman during my Tejas 300 attempt.  I was completely skeptical that I would be able to finish Rocky Raccoon 100 with the way my legs felt that day, and I was having a similar panic attack to the one previously mentioned.  My divorce finalized the week before the race and I didn't know how I was going to make it, or if I even cared anymore.  Paula curled the rock into my palm- and told me to have faith.  

Brene Brown says that "Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see, and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty."   
I have experienced this "fear of uncertainty" many times in my life, mostly recently fighting cutoffs at Western States.   But during that race I kept hearing a voice in my head saying "Just keep doing what you're doing, and you'll be okay."
After receiving my paycheck, the first thing I did was to email a friend expressing my doubt. I told him my fear that I had made the wrong decision.  But before he could even answer me,  I messaged him back saying "Fuck it. I'm not going to worry about it.  I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and it will be okay.  Even if I'm barely making cutoffs, I'm still in the race." 

Faith.  I don't know how its going to happen, but it's going to happen.  
Because I know running and I love runners. 
Everything is possible for one who believes.  


1 comment:

  1. You can't unjump, but you can jump again. Panic has a short shelf life. Left foot, right foot, breathe, repeat. #Faith