Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Never worry again

"Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"
Matthew 6:27

I've decided to stop worrying.  Period.  
Why?  Because I'm fucking exhausted.  

I've always been a worrier by nature.  I remember as a teenager keeping an eye on the speedometer when my parents were driving, worrying that they were going over the speed limit and that "we" might get a ticket.  I worried that people wouldn't like me because I didn't have the right jeans or haircut.  
I worried that I might not get into college, even though I was talented and made good grades.  

As a school teacher, I worried that I might have a challenging day.  That I wouldn't be able to handle situations that were thrown at me.  That my day might be "ruined" by a certain class or child.  I made up all kinds of stories in my head about what the day could hold for me, way before the actual start at 8 am.

As a new coach I worked to build trust, and worried that people wouldn't understand why I planned the way I did.  I worried that I "didn't know enough", even though I ate, slept and breathed running.

I worry about relationships.  Abandonment.  Being good enough.  Trust.

Even today I worry if the risks I'm taking are worth it, although my heart is happier than it's been in a very long time.  

Dan Zadra said "Worrying is a misuse of imagination."  
We are really good at making up "worry stories" in our head, but the reality is they are simply that- stories.  
They are not real. 
Our hope is that if we continue to hash out the situation we will be able to figure it out and find a solution, but the reality is that worry robs us of our present moment- time that we will never get back.  

I believe the way to end worrying is to replace that story with one of gratitude.  
I have everything I need.
For 43 years I have been fed, clothed, nurtured and loved.  I am strong and capable.
If we are here on this earth for a purpose, which I believe we are....then surely our creator will take care of us.  If I am here to help others, then won't I also be helped?  

I've wasted too much time and energy worrying.  Instead of allowing myself to be hooked by the trap of hope and fear, I will do my best to relax into the magic of this unfolding life.

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