I've decided to stop worrying. Period.
Why? Because I'm fucking exhausted.
I've always been a worrier by nature. I remember as a teenager keeping an eye on the speedometer when my parents were driving, worrying that they were going over the speed limit and that "we" might get a ticket. I worried that people wouldn't like me because I didn't have the right jeans or haircut.
I worried that I might not get into college, even though I was talented and made good grades.
As a school teacher, I worried that I might have a challenging day. That I wouldn't be able to handle situations that were thrown at me. That my day might be "ruined" by a certain class or child. I made up all kinds of stories in my head about what the day could hold for me, way before the actual start at 8 am.
As a new coach I worked to build trust, and worried that people wouldn't understand why I planned the way I did. I worried that I "didn't know enough", even though I ate, slept and breathed running.
I worry about relationships. Abandonment. Being good enough. Trust.
Even today I worry if the risks I'm taking are worth it, although my heart is happier than it's been in a very long time.
Dan Zadra said "Worrying is a misuse of imagination."
We are really good at making up "worry stories" in our head, but the reality is they are simply that- stories.
They are not real.
Our hope is that if we continue to hash out the situation we will be able to figure it out and find a solution, but the reality is that worry robs us of our present moment- time that we will never get back.
I believe the way to end worrying is to replace that story with one of gratitude.
I have everything I need.
For 43 years I have been fed, clothed, nurtured and loved. I am strong and capable.
If we are here on this earth for a purpose, which I believe we are....then surely our creator will take care of us. If I am here to help others, then won't I also be helped?