Good riddance to that jealous bitch!

"What sort of love is permeated jealousy?  You are jealous because you are unaware that everything you need is inside you."
Peter Deunov

To look at it from the outside you probably never would have said "Jesus, that Jennifer is a jealous bitch."  But I cannot tell you my friends how many times that green eyed monster has made me suffer.  I'm not proud of it, but the story goes like this.....

I wasn't always a jealous person, but when life shows you insecurity, people become a threat.  Maybe she was model beautiful, or he could run faster and farther than I could, or they had cute kids and the "perfect" house.  

"Wow- look how much she loves him", or he got a  shiny new bike, or she won an award for philanthropist of the year.  

It really didn't matter, jealousy rose as my first instinct.  Opening Facebook was like opening Pandora's Box, and sometimes I would literally feel sick to my stomach.  Why was everyone’s life seemingly better than mine? 

My ego fought back, and I tried to protect myself by pretending to be strong, capable and beautiful.  There were the sickening displays of public affection, hand-picked race pics, fake smiles, sexy clothes and silly banter.  I became a peacock with a false sense of superiority.  But I still was a jealous bitch.

Feeling extremely sick, I honestly decided one day that was just too much trouble- and I chose to be 100%  genuine instead.  

Brene Brown said, "Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect."   That's what it took for me.  A strong sense of belonging in my relationships, my workplace, and for my self has allowed me to cultivate a sense of belonging.  A sense of purpose. 

I've stopped trying to prove myself to anyone, because I am finally aware that everything I need is inside me. So now when that green eyed monster joins the party, he and I dance together in a celebration of your accomplishments....and my wisdom.